Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
