My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
