i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
