Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
