Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
