I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
