why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
