you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
