Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
