He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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