Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
