My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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