i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
