My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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