Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
