I'm going to jail i love you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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