Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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