So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
