I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
