I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
