I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
