Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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