Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
