I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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