This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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