he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
