I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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