Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
