dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
