Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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