So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
