i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
