I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
