Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize