hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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