I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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