and i looked up. we had an audience...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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