I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
