a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
