Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize