There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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