Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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