One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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