Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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