Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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