weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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