You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
