She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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