You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
