Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
