I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
