what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
