They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
