i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you told grandpa to call you daddy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
