On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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