i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
