I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
