Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
