Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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