she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and she was petting her beer can
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
