You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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