Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
