I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
