Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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