who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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