Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she peed on how many people?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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