I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
