you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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